A Psychologist Breaks Down The Science Behind My Awkward Emo Phase
When I look back at my page, I’m embarrassed, but I’m also a little curious. Why did I declare myself “Little Miss Emo”? I reached out to Leila Ellis-Nelson—Doctor of Psychology and cofounder of Chicago’s behavioral health care practice Changing Perspectives—for some understanding.
I sent Dr. Ellis-Nelson a series of screenshots from my MySpace page to have her evaluate what possibly could have been going through my head as an emo kid.
First, I had Dr. Ellis-Nelson look at my profile overall. Since MySpace relaunched in 2013, profiles have received MAJOR makeovers. There are no more neon backgrounds, embarrassing statuses or emo melodies to accompany my pictures. That doesn’t stop the profile from being any less embarrassing.
Since I had explained to Dr. Ellis-Nelson that I was not from Newport News, Virginia, like my profile says, she was curious why I chose that location. “If you’re really from Los Angeles [for example] but felt L.A. was a source of pain, maybe you picked someplace far away to help mentally separate you from a place of stress,” Dr. Ellis-Nelson hypothesizes.
She’s right—my hometown was three hours away, in a completely different state. I spent a lot of summers in Newport News, staying with my grandparents every year until I was 15. My best friend lived in the house next to my grandparent’s, and whenever I would get sad, I thought about the summers I spent with my best friend. I guess you could say that was my “happy place.”
After the stunning and insightful observation about my now-simplified profile, I couldn’t wait to hear what Dr. Ellis-Nelson had to say about all my selfies. Because I was so self-conscious, I made all my photos private. I was pretty sure Dr. Ellis-Nelson would comment on the running theme of all my photos: They never show my full face. And I was right.
Her first observation was that hair or glasses covered my face in each of my pictures, except one, which shows only my shadow.
“Covering your face with something in every picture makes me wonder what you were hiding or who/what you were hiding from,” she explains. “It’s as if you want people to see you, but didn’t feel comfortable with them getting to know the true, authentic you.”
Again, she was 100% correct. I began to question Emo Me. Why had I hidden my true self from everyone? Then it hit me: I felt like I wasn’t truly accepted by anyone around me.
My father had just left my brother and I unexpectedly, I had just transferred schools and my best friend had just moved to Florida. I was upset with all of the change in my life. Since my mom thought emo kids were just toned-down goth kids, I wasn’t allowed to have pink streaks in my hair or publicly look emo, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t emo on the inside.
A Psychologist Breaks Down The Science Behind My Awkward Emo Phase
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